You’ve Been In Japan Too Long When…

…you rush onto an escalator, and just stand there.
…you find yourself bowing while you talk on the phone.
…you don’t hesitate to put a $10 note into a vending machine.


…you see a gaijin get on the train and think “Wow, it’s a gaijin!”
…when you wait for the first day of summer to wear short sleeve dress shirts.
…when the first option you buy for your car is a TV set.


…you don’t think it unusual for a truck to play “It’s a Small World” when backing up


…you appear for your first skiing lesson with brand new Rossignol high performance racing skis and an aerodynamic racing suit with color matched goggles. And then snowplow down.
…you buy a potato-and-strawberry sandwich for lunch without cringing.
…when you squat waiting for a bus to come.
…you phone an English-speaking gaijin friend and somehow can’t bring yourself to get to the point for the first 3 minutes of the conversation.


…you stop enjoying telling newcomers to Japan ‘all about Japan’.
…you think 360 yen per dollar is a reasonable exchange rate


…people stop complementing you on your Japanese, and start asking you where you had your nose and eyes done.
…you think Masako is beautiful and Hillary is cute.
…you spend all your time trying to think of reasons why you’ve been Too Long in Japan.


…you are not worried about speeding in the rain, because you know the cops are only out there in good weather.
…you think birds cry.


…you are not surprised to wake up in the morning and find that the woman who stayed over last night has completely cleaned your apartment, even though you’ll probably never ever meet her again!!! LOL from what I heard from my male friends:)
…you get blasted by a political speaker truck and think “sho ga nai..”
…you think its cool to stand in the “Japanese only” queue at Narita Immigration.
…you develop a liking for green tea flavored ice cream.


…your talking to your mother on the phone, and she asks you what “genki” means.
…you think the best part of TV are the commercials.
…you think wet umbrellas need condoms.


…when you find nothing unusual in a television commercial for candy in which a model dressed in a high school girl’s uniform comes up behind another model dressed in a high school girl’s uniform, grabs her left breast, gives a devilish grin, and skips away.


…you think nothing about seeing 20 ads for women’s’ sanitary napkins during one movie.
…you have run out of snappy comebacks to compliments about your chopstick skills.


…you think “white pills, blue pills, and pink powder” is an adequate answer to the question “What are you giving me, doctor?”.
…you have discovered the sexual attraction of high school navy uniforms.
…you think 4 layers of wrapping is reasonable for a simple piece of merchandise.


…you don’t find anything strange about a city that puts a life sized, red-and-white painted Eiffel tower imitation in its centre, as well as a scale model of the Versaille Palace for its Crown Prince.
…a new Gaijin moves to your neighborhood and you know immediately you will get his mail for a while.
…when you get on a train with a number of gaijin on it and you feel uneasy because the harmony is broken.


…you ask fellow foreigners the all-important question “How long have you been here?” in order to be able to properly categorize them.
…when looking out the window of your office, you think “Wow, so many trees!” instead of “Wow, so much concrete!”
…you think NHK is “the Japanese BBC”.
…you think curry rice is food.


…the Yakult lady knows you by name.
…when in the middle of nowhere, totally surrounded by rice fields and abundant nature, you aren’t surprised to find a drink vending machine with no visible means of a power supply…
…and when you think nothing of it when that lonely vending machine says ‘thank you’ after you buy a coke.
…you stand before a sign on a bridge and ponder the possible meanings of “Bridge Freezes Before Road.”


…it takes fifteen seconds of deep thought to recall the first name of the President of the United States.
…the TV commercials make sense to you.
…a non-Japanese sits down next to you on the train and you get up and move. You’re not prejudiced, but who knows what they might do?
…you are outwardly appalled to see someone pour miso shiru over rice, but do it in private yourself (neko meshi).


….you only have 73 transparent, plastic umbrellas in your entrance because you have donated 27 to the JR and various taxi companies in the past few months.
…you have over 100 small, transparent plastic umbrellas in your entrance even *after* donating 27 of them to taxis and JR recently.
…when you absolutely do not possess the ability to mispronounce Japanese words “like a non-Japanese would.”


…when you pay over 6000 yen for a lipstick and realize a few days later how much you really spent. .
…you can’t have your picture taken without your fingers forming the peace sign.

…when you think one kind of rice tastes better than another kind.


…you see a road with two lanes going in the same direction and assume the one on the left is meant for parking.
. ..when getting ready for a trip you automatically calculate for omiyage and you leave just the right amount of space in your suitcase for them


…not only do you overcome your childhood training and spit out the mikan membranes, but you discover the knack of peeling the mikan so that the peel forms a neat receptacle for you to spit the membranes into.


…when you think children should have to walk around in the freezing cold with only short sleeves and shorts up to their butt (to make them strong!

…you bow to other drivers who give you the right of way.
…you mention “Japan Times” and “objective” in one sentence…
…you fully understand the concept of “cuteness”


…when you believe that the perfect side dish to eat with a juicy, deep-fried pork chop is a pile of raw, tasteless, shredded cabbage.
… it doesn’t surprise you that a case of beer has the same per unit price as a single can.


…you start to recognize BGM as a meaningful genre of music.
…you run for the Yamanote line pushing people left and right, jump on the train holding the doors open to let your bag follow you on. Because you know there will not be another one for at least a minute.


…you no longer pay any attention to what anyone does when you sit down beside them on a train.
…when you accompany your “no” by the famous waving hand-in- front-of-nose.
…when it all seems normal.
…when you’re impressed with a girl with a 94 cm bust (work it out !).
…when you write or phone home and say things like “In Japan we…”


…you find yourself apologizing at least three times per conversation.
…when you let your car idle for half an hour while you go shopping.
…you find your self asking all your foreign acquaintances what their blood types are.
…you find yourself practicing golf swings with your umbrella on the train platform.
…you take practice golf swings on the train platform *without* an umbrella in your hand.


…you buy an individually wrapped potato in the supermarket.
…you have to pause and translate your phone number into English before telling it to someone.
…you are speaking in English but all references to money come out in Japanese.


…you go to a book shop with the full intention to read all the interesting magazines and put them back on the shelf.
…you schedule your commute around the availability of seats on the train.

…you go for a drink with friends back home and start pouring everybody’s beer.


…when you vow to gambaru before every little activity you engage in.
…you pull up at a gas station and wait for a bunch of Norman Rockwell type attendants to jump out and clean your windshiel


…you put eleven 10 yen coins in the vending machine before you notice it’s sold out.
…you see some real cleavage and think WOW!


…you enjoy drinking until you vomit

.
…you remember when telephones were almost always placed near the front door and next to them was placed a little box or jar to receive 10 yen coins from people who stopped by to ‘borrow’ your phone.
…back in the states for a short visit you patiently wait outside your taxi for its door to spring open for you. Or you forget to clsoe the door after you you.

Thanks Yoko Chang for sending!